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Updated: Apr 15, 2020

If I work off the amount of likes I don’t have on Facebook, then surely, I have to be the most insecure person on the planet. Hang on; I don’t have an active Facebook account…phew!

But wait: perhaps there IS something wrong with me, because not having a

Facebook account, means I’m on the outside looking in and who would want that – right?

Maybe my tutor at school was right; I’m a bit odd and probably won’t amount to anything… hmm what did he know.

As you may have guessed, I’m making a point.

And the point is best encapsulated in something I once read, which said, ‘If your self-esteem rests on anything external, you are in big trouble.’ Anything external is defined as those things on which we rely to make us feel good about ourselves. This would include:

· How you look

· Job titles

· Your wealth

· The need to be liked

· The type of car you drive

· Where you live

· The views of others

· Facebook likes

· The size of your house

Insecurity is the enemy of your self-esteem and the problem with attaching your self-esteem to the types of things I’ve listed above, is two-fold. Firstly, you are relying on what others think of you and your life position; hoping that they’ll either be impressed or envious.

Secondly, what happens if, for example, your looks fade? At that point, your self-esteem becomes fragile and for many, in terms of looks, they hope a plastic surgeon can restore their self-esteem by enhancing what is lost or fading.

Comparisons by their very nature are pointless, because although we are all part of a global society, we remain separate based on our uniqueness and I think that is kinda cool. The need to compare is embedded in our brains at a very early page by parents, teachers and authority figures in general. These people often overlay what they feel is important for you to either fit in or get on.

When the advertising industry, celebrities and media jumped on the bandwagon, our belief systems became clogged up with we what we ‘should be’ rather than ‘just being’.

So, when you are feeling insecure, here’s some things you might want to consider.

- Stop comparing yourself to others and don’t get sucked into believing a celebrity knows what you need in life.

- Remove negative self-talk from your life and replace it with positive comments about yourself.

- Start to exercise and enjoy the endorphins designed to make you feel amazing

- Understand, acknowledge and appreciate what you are good at.

- Accept that personal growth takes knowledge, patience time and all of us, are work in progress.

Finally, be kind to yourself by avoiding subjective self-judgements.

With Love….Denise

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